(Click ▶️👆🏽if you want to listen to me read this, and you don’t hate my voice as much as I do.)
We all face challenges in our lives, and it’s a parent’s job to prepare and equip their kids with the tools they need to face those challenges as best they can.
But I’ve noticed that when it comes to bigger challenges like bigotry and racial discrimination, most white parents haven’t had the same type of conversations with their kids as nonwhite parents, and this is having a devastating effect on our country.
If you identify as a white American (or just “American” 🙄) think back to a time, maybe you were 9 or 10, when your parents sat you down at the dinner table, and they taught to you how to deal with racial discrimination based on the color of your skin.
I’ll wait…
But to clarify - I’m not talking about challenges facing ALL Americans. Challenges like underfunded schools, high college debt, fewer jobs, stagnate wages, living paycheck to paycheck, high health care costs, etc…
I’m only asking about discrimination based on the color of your WHITE skin (also not asking about being Irish, Italian, Polish, or specific religion etc…). Simply skin color.
Being white.
You might be thinking - Talking about skin color is racist, and my parents didn’t do that with me because they aren’t racists. They’re good people.
Okay. Maybe your parents only talked about the typical challenges for all Americans, and also taught you to be a good person, and always do the best you can.
Maybe they even taught you that being a good, hard working American is the best way to get ahead in life, and you should expect the same from others no matter what color they are. And may the best person get the job, or the college acceptance, or whatever.
Something like that, perhaps? Your parents might’ve even raised you to be “Colorblind” like them. I get it. I was raised with the same values.
But if your parents didn’t talk about the challenges, can you tell me about a time they explained some of the BENEFITS of being a white person in America?
With racial discrimination - some people must benefit while others don’t, and rumor has it for over 400 years or so, it’s been mostly white Americans benefitting.😲
And don’t tell me there aren’t any benefits. That’s not debatable here. If you’re an average, white American reading this, you’ve definitely experienced and noticed the benefits of being white by now, or else you’re just being obtuse.
But for some reason white Americans never like to talk about the benefits of whiteness around people that look like me.
So I’m asking white Americans - how did your parents explain the benefits of being a white American to you?
Again, take a second to think about it…
It’s okay if you didn’t have that conversation, or can’t remember. It’s not something most white parents would’ve done until more recently.
If you’re a white American under the age of 35, I’d be a little surprised if your parents had a chat with you about whiteness. And frankly I’d be shocked if a white person over the age of 40 had this type of chat with their parents as a kid.
Newsflash - parents of nonwhite kids have been having these conversations since forever.
Parents of nonwhite children PREPARE their kids for racism and bigotry because there’s a 100% certainty they’ll bear the brunt of it sooner or later. Now sadly, thanks to the rise in White Nationalism, a whole new generation is experiencing it much sooner.
As a child, my parents prepared me for racial discrimination by saying things like: “Don’t let it stop you. Ignore it. There are lots of idiots out there. Be smarter” or whatever it was.
But the point is - a conversation about racial discrimination was had because it was necessary and it’s been necessary on this continent by nonwhite people since Columbus.
White America should be outraged that these conversations are still needed, but instead I hear a lot of complaining about things they can’t say or do anymore because society is too “PC” nowadays. And white America has become so reactionary to the word “Racist” that any mention of the word often shuts down any chance of a productive conversation.
Guess what white America - a conversation about racial discrimination has always been necessary for you to have with your kids, but for a very different reason.
Here’s why:
Frustrated White Guys
It seems today more white men (young and old) are realizing that things are a bit different lately for men with white skin, but some are having a harder time adjusting.
America was built as a white man’s world, but to a lot of white guys in the Land of the Free, it feels like Barbie’s charmed life keeps getting better, but things aren’t so easy for good ole’ Ken these days.
Ken says he respects everyone and doesn’t care about anyone’s race. But when he watches the news he often wonders things like:
“Why do they always play the race card?”
“Why can those people say the N-word but I can’t?”
”He’s gonna use WHAT bathroom?”
and of course “THEY SHOULDN’T BE F*CKING KNEELING!”
Ken might even get called derogatory names Cracker more often then he used to, or told his opinion doesn’t matter because he’s just another white guy, but Ken is self aware enough that he doesn’t wanna sound racist by calling other people racist, so instead he gets frustrated and angry.
Ken’s world is changing rapidly right before his eyes and no one prepared him.
But Ken doesn’t see a therapist (because that’s for pussies bro) so now Ken is a Frustrated White Guy (FWG) with no one to talk to about being a frustrated white guy except who?🤔
Obviously someone who can relate and empathize with Ken - another FWG! Misery loves company, and casual racism loves feeling normal.
Oh hey look - now there’s even a Presidential candidate that empathizes with Ken too! And he’s not a politician. He’s a big American success story, and he says he’s gonna turn things around for people like Ken!
Now Ken is reading online chat boards with other like-minded FWGs, making one logical fallacy after another, while falsely thinking his problems are only faced by the forgotten white men in America, because that’s all Ken sees in his white man bubble.
And Ken’s bubble is shielded by a media forcefield provided by Fox News, Sinclair Broadcasting and conservative talk radio. All of them happily promoting one specific candidate for President who blames all of Kens’ problems on “those other people”.
Next thing you know, Ken’s at work talking to HR for being called a Racist after saying something that wasn’t racist 10 years ago. Ken’s wondering what the hell happened to the definition of racism all of the sudden? Is he gonna lose his job over some PC bullshit? What is this country turning into?
Throw more anger and frustration into the pot and set it to simmer.
So now Ken, our young FWG is confused, frustrated and angry because he believes he’s always been a good person, just like his parents taught him to be. They’re good people too. They never spoke badly about the Black or Mexican families down the street, except when they were being too loud and obnoxious. Then they called the cops on them. But now Ken’s Mom says there’s just so many more of them, ya know? And are they ever gonna learn to speak English?
And don’t forget Ken’s got a black friend, Colin who “speaks so well” about things, and doesn’t really care about being black at all, just like Ken doesn’t really care about being white. Ken really just wants to live his life like anyone else.
Ken doesn’t care what color you are because he’s proud to be colorblind like his parents raised him to be. He’s just trying to be an honest, average hard working American. He’s worked hard for everything he has, but now he can’t even relax and watch a dang football game with it turning political. Golly gee it’s tough to be Ken these days!
More frustration and confusion gets added, and now Ken’s primed and ready to be fully radicalized in just a matter of months.
Oh and wouldn’t you know it - that guy with the crazy hair listening to all the Ken’s out there and shouting it right back to them, is now the fucking President of the United States.
Add in more dashes of unchecked mental health, isolation and anger; some heaping spoonfuls of misogyny from incel chat rooms; and of course don’t forget about the easy access to guns of war, and it’s a recipe for disasters boiling over all across America.
It’s no surprise we’ve seen a rise in White Nationalism since the election. There’s a lot of ANGRY Ken’s out there that need guidance.
More and more radicalized white men are killing people right before our eyes, yet white Americans are ignoring the signs, and pointing their fingers at everything to fix it but themselves. Even Albert Einstein called Racism a white person disease.
If Asian-Americans were killing more people in random acts of domestic terrorism since 9/11, we’d have a national conversation about it for months. We put Japanese Americans in concentration camps because we thought they MIGHT do it.
But since white men are committing these atrocities, we blame everything but them and move on with our lives until the news tells us about the next massacre at a concert, nightclub, movie theater, high school, food festival, or place of worship.
Is every FWG gonna get radicalized? Of course not. Is it always a frustrated white guy? No, of course not. But how many is acceptable before y’all look in a mirror and start talking about racism?
Until white American parents start having more honest conversations amongst themselves and their kids about whiteness in America (the benefits and challenges), bigotry and racial discrimination will increase, and the mass shootings by radicalized white men will only get worse. How else will they change?
What’s the alternative - remain silent on racism and it goes away magically?
If you’re a parent of a white child, please have these chats with your kid - especially young, white men and boys. Tell them what it means to be white person in America.
I don’t know what those conversations sounds like, and maybe you don’t know yet either. That’s okay. We all have a lot to learn. Start by asking and listening to others who’ve had those chats with their kids. Start listening to more people of color who have shared their experiences. Google some shit.
Drop the defense of colorblind whiteness, and realize that systemic racism survives through silent complicity.
We’ve got a country to fix, and we need everyone off the benches and doing their part.✌🏽
