That Time Two Fools Tried to Rob Me
How trusting my gut and staying calm got me out of a tight spot...
My Grandfather was a USMC Veteran who taught me and my cousins a lot about situational awareness and readiness. He came home from the WWII with a Purple Heart after surviving a tank explosion, so when he spoke words of wisdom, we listened.
He told us things like don’t walk down the street with your hands in your pocket, because you gotta be ready for whatever comes at you. And don’t sit facing a wall. Always try to face a door or window, again because you gotta be ready for whatever comes at you.
Or simply - be aware of your surroundings - but use all your senses.
And this is key.
Today people walk down the street with $400 headphones on, or talking on a $1300 iPhone dangling in front of their face. And good luck to anyone who wears a fancy watch in the wrong place. Thieves will take advantage of people who do that and rob them. I’m not blaming the victims, I’m sharing the facts. You are being watched for your watch.
A lot of Grandpa’s lessons were solid O.G. street smarts. We don’t live in world where it’s safe to walk down the street waving valuable items around. We want to think we do, but we don’t, and probably never will.
Anyways, thanks to Grandpa’s tutelage, and living 13 years in a city whose motto could be, “you gotta be ready for whatever”, I was able to avoid a seriously bad situation at the grocery store the other day, and I wasn’t even flashing anything of value.
It can happen to anybody.
It Happened at My Neighborhood Safeway
A couple weeks ago I needed a prescription filled at CVS, and a few items from Safeway.
Both are in the same strip mall less than a mile up the hill from me, and because of the Citizen app and CrimeMapping site, I know this strip mall has been hit several times with carjackings and other “gun in your face” type robberies for quite a while.
Not fun stuff, and I don’t like going to that shopping center for that reason, but this was a Friday at 2:30 in the afternoon so figured it would be fairly safe.
As you can see in the picture, the parking lot is a horribly designed mess of 4 parking rows that flow in opposite directions connected by tight turns on each end.
When most people enter the lot they turn to the right, and go up the little hill towards the store until they can turn left down the 3rd parking row from the store.
But if you go left when you first enter the lot you can go directly to the 2nd parking row closest to the store. The row most people assume is safest since it’s directly facing the damn store.
And that’s what I did, and nabbed a great spot at the end of the row.
At least it seemed like a great spot at first. I quickly realized if a car were to come behind me and block me in, I would be vulnerable to someone coming up and robbing me.
I remember having that exact thought as I got out of the car.
And I’m going into much more detail than I normally would because as you’ll soon see, every little piece matters.
CVS was uneventful other than an overworked Pharmacy cashier waiting to go on lunch. It wasn’t until I went inside Safeway when things got weird.
I assume most people have their own methodical way of shopping in a grocery store, and I’m no different. I’m a “get in, get out” type who starts in the produce section and works my way across the store then grabs frozen stuff last.
This isn’t your typical big suburban Safeway with huge aisles and a Starbucks.
This is an Oakland Safeway built in the early 1960’s. It’s super small, and each aisle is barely wide enough for two carts to pass. People must’ve been smaller back in the 60’s.
This store also next to two churches. One is the church Tom Hanks attended while growing up in Oakland. He probably shopped at this same Safeway. I doubt he almost got robbed.
Anyways….after I was done in produce I noticed someone quickly walk passed me dressed in a black hoodie, wearing a mask with their hoodie up.
Let’s call them Masked Hoodie.
I was also wearing a black hoodie, but it was down.
People with their hoodie up indoors always stand out to me. It’s just so impractical. Leaving yourself with no peripheral vision? That would be a huge Grandpa no-no for sure.
I was also wearing a mask, as most of us in Oakland still do. It says, “Tell Your Dog I Said Hi” on it. I also had on my Dad’s old work hat.
Again, these little pieces matter.
Masked Hoodie was wearing all black just like me, and carried a phone just like I was.
But that’s literally all they had with them. No shopping cart. No hand basket. Nada.
I noticed it at the time, but didn’t give it too much thought. I was busy looking at the shopping list on my own phone. Get in, get out.
When I got to the cereal aisle Masked Hoodie walked passed me again. Except this time their phone was in their hand down by their waist, and they took my picture as they walked by me.
We’ve all seen when someone is trying to take a stealthy, when their thumb is resting on the side button. Masked Hoodie did that, but the camera lens was aimed upward towards me in such an awkward angle it was the opposite of stealth.
And that’s when my internal alarm bells started ringing, and the hair on the back of my neck stood at full attention.
I knew something was up, and I wondered if I truly saw what I thought I saw, because nobody should care that much about me buying Honey Nut Cheerios.
I went to the next aisle and thought about confronting Masked Hoodie about taking my picture, but that’s not the route I wanted to go. It would just make the situation worse and that’s definitely not what I wanted.
And maybe I actually didn’t see them take my picture. Maybe it was my imagination. So I kept shopping, but still with an eye on Masked Hoodie.
That’s when I saw another person without a shopping cart or basket wearing an Orange Construction Vest, also walking around the store looking at their phone.
I looked at my phone and saw I had most of the items on my list. I just needed to go to the freezer and get my favorite Power Bowls.
And that’s when all the puzzle pieces started coming together in my head like a Liam Neesons movie:
Masked Hoodie saw me park, and followed me into the store, took my picture and sent it to Orange Construction Vest, who will now go wait for me outside. Once I go to the car and try to leave, Orange Construction Vest will block my car while Masked Hoodie comes up and robs me.
I told myself that’s how they’re gonna do it, and it all made sense in my head, or I was being completely paranoid.
I saw Masked Hoodie still walking around aimlessly, but finally holding some food in what looked like a half rack of ribs, nothing else.
Now I’m in full fight or flight mode, and my flight is booked. I was in a tight spot and it was time to go.
I always carry a large pocket knife, and I can defend myself, but Grandpa taught me to avoid situations where I’m outmanned or outgunned, and this was gonna be both.
I hopped into the Express Lane and got checked out by the rudest cashier I’ve ever had there. His attitude was was such a distraction it wasn’t until after he gave me the receipt when I realized that I’d lost track of both Masked Hoodie and Orange Construction Vest.
I walked to the exit doors but didn’t leave. I needed a plan, and I needed to take a breath to lower all the adrenaline that my beta blocker wasn’t blocking.
Every Safeway has a flower section by their doors, and I hung out there for a minute to collect my thoughts.
It gave me a beautiful floral cover, as well as a slight vantage point where I could see my car and anyone near it, but I couldn’t see the other side of the parking lot though.
I texted my wife at home, and told her what was happening, and that I knew I sounded paranoid, but I planned to wait there for a few minutes before I go to my car.
Taking the time to wait inside would confirm if they were watching and waiting for me outside.
You might be wondering - doesn’t Safeway have security or anyone there to help?
A lot of times I’ve seen a few firemen from the nearby firehouse inside shopping. Not that day.
And, yes, there was someone dressed in a security uniform in the store.
No, I could not call them security because they looked so fragile they’d get knocked over by a strong wind. Plus I had already dealt with a rude cashier, and I didn’t need anymore unhelpful characters in this situation.
Besides, security is there more to protect the businesses than the customers. You’re pretty much on your own once you’re in the parking lot. The thieves know this.
And honestly, I felt a little embarrassed to say anything to anybody. I was already second guessing myself on what I saw, and I didn’t want to sound like a paranoid weirdo without proof something was happening.
While I was waiting I took off both my hat and mask, and put on my sunglasses. They’re looking for a dude pushing a shopping cart wearing a mask and hat.
After enough time passed to tell if someone was waiting for me, I grabbed two 12 packs in one hand, and the grocery bag in the other, and followed a random person out the door.
I walked straight to my car without a cart to slow me down or delay me afterwards.
Instead of going to the trunk where my back would be turned, I walked in front of my car to the passenger side, and opened the door so I could see anyone coming towards me from behind.
I threw my stuff in, and walked around the back of the car to the driver side, and that’s when I saw Orange Construction Vest in a sketchy looking VW creeping in the first row towards me like he wanted my parking spot.
Imagine that. Such perfect timing even after I waited inside.
I looked towards the VW as I got in my car, and started it right away.
Orange Construction Vest looked kinda surprised to see me getting in my car. I guess he didn’t notice me leaving the store.
I hit reverse and did a fast & furious style U-Turn out of the parking spot - cutting off the VW before it had a chance to block me in - put it in drive and got the fuck out of there.
As I drove away I passed the next parking row and saw another sketchy looking car driving towards the VW. Possibly driven by Masked Hoodie but I can’t be sure.
It all coulda been nothing, and perhaps I was being hyper-paranoid, but I don’t think so.
You might’ve handled it differently, and I certainly could’ve done a few things differently.
But I’m good knowing I trusted my gut and stayed calm enough to make a plan I was good with, and I’m lucky it worked.
I got outta there so quick I forgot to grab my Power Bowls.
No police report was filed because technically nothing illegal happened. But it coulda gone real bad, and I’m grateful I was able to get away.
Shortly after it happened I shared a short post about it on Nextdoor. I wanted people in the surrounding neighborhoods to know what to look for.
I feel a little more empowered knowing my instincts were correct, and now I know what to look for even more. But I don’t like the thought of those fools trying to jack someone else in that parking lot.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized it’s worth sharing here also, because although this happened in a city with a history of crime cycles, we all know stuff like this is happening everywhere, even in the suburbs.
Thankfully, since this happened Oakland Police have arrested some people that have been linked to many of these recent crimes.
I don’t know how to solve the crime problem. And I don’t want to start carrying a gun just to go to the damn store, but I understand why some would feel that way.
But we don’t need more guns, or more police to feel safer. In fact the safest cities in the country have very few of either.
We need more awareness. Awareness for ourselves and those around us.
As we collectively learn and share more about what type of suspicious activity to look out for, hopefully the thieves will go elsewhere until eventually there’s no more marks for them to take advantage of.
Stay safe out there folks. Keep your head on a swivel and see who’s watching. You gotta be ready for whatever comes at you.
✌🏽
-AM